Laeviss' Guide to Long Term Romance

   Many years ago, Laeviss was mentoring a ministerial candidate for the inter-faith church he belonged to. This particular candidate had a long history of flitting from one relationship to another. They all ended acrimoniously. She was, at the time, married to a man with whom she had begun an affair while he had been married to someone else. And this was not either her first or second marriage, as I recall.
   She was unhappy in said marriage. He was cheating on her (what a surprise) and she was cheating on him (again, what a surprise.)
   Laeviss was, at the time, living very happily alone in his very own lovely historic home, and often hosted gatherings for the ministerial candidates. One day, she said to Laeviss, "Oh, I would love to have a beautiful old house like this!"
   Laeviss said, "It is no accident that I was able to buy this house. I'll tell you exactly how I did it. I desired a house like this, and I worked out a plan to get a house like this. No matter what anyone ever said to me (and they did say plenty of negative things, mind you, including stuff like 'there is no possible way you could ever afford such a house') I just went on with working towards my goal. I made about $7 an hour at the time I bought this house, and had very little money to put down, but I made it happen by my own hard work and determination. So, if there is something you want in life, make a plan and make it happen. Never settle for anything that you don't want. Because if you settle in life for something that you don't want, that is what you will end up with." And Laeviss has no intention of ever ending up with something that he doesn't want.

   This same woman asked me for advice on relationships. She said to me, "Why do you always end up exactly where you want to be, and I always end up where I never wanted to be?"  I essentially gave her the same exact advice as I had about the house, but in more detail. Here it is, in a nutshell:

   There are three extremely important items of relevance when looking for a long term romantic partner: mutual physical attraction/chemistry, similarity of life goals/purpose, and commonality of interests. (And I'll add that a similar sense of humor also helps!) If your prospective relationship partner doesn't share *all three* of these things with you, plus tickle your funny bone, your relationship is likely going to fail miserably at some point in the future, usually sooner rather than later, and often following a protracted period of deep unhappiness.

   I told her, "Your mistake is that you tend to form romantic attachments to any guy who asks you out, regardless if he is the "right" guy for you at all. Dating is a way to determine if the above three items of relevance apply in your prospective romance. If they don't, it's better to figure that out quickly, before an attachment forms, and move on, so that nobody gets emotionally hurt by a bad relationship. Remember: there is somebody (or maybe multiple somebodies) out there for everybody. but not everybody is right for *you*."
   Sometimes suitability as a partner is relatively easy to determine in advance before a single date. When Laeviss was looking for a partner fifteen years ago, he was often asked out by guys. If those guys obviously shared none of those three items of relevance, Laeviss just politely declined the date.
   Sometimes it isn't as obvious, and you need to have a date or two with the prospective partner in order to figure out if you do have the same life goals and interests. But if you don't, then your best bet is to curb the romance in advance and keep the friendship.

   If you're looking for romance, and you've put out an online ad, state in clear, concise English exactly what you're looking for. Put it in the main body of your ad, not in the "fine print" so that any prospective partner knows who they might be asking out, and what your goals and interests are.
   Talk a lot with the people you *do* decide to date. Discuss your goals with them. Remember, you are looking for somebody who also desires those goals on the same level that you do, and is willing to work as hard to achieve them as you are. You are looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, not Mr. or Ms. Right Now. You want the guy who passionately exclaims, "That's exactly what I'm looking for, too! Where have you been all my life?!"

   Unless you are a huge fan of spontaneity and chaos, I'd also suggest looking at your prospective partner's background and track record with both life goals and relationships. If they've moved around a lot, had an extraordinary number of partners, and worked in many different and varied fields, this might be a good indication of personal and life goal instability. Beware of attaching yourself to such an individual, no matter how charming and charismatic they might be...if you value your sanity and your heart.

  It's important to remember that one can't control other people's thoughts, feelings, goals, or desires. Sometimes one's life partner decides that their life goals are suddenly diverging from the mutually agreed-upon goal. If you are committed to your life goal, and don't welcome the change, then it's time to talk to your partner and either compromise, or decide that separating in order to follow separate life goals is the best choice for both parties.
   It's your life, and your goal. Laeviss had an original name, once, way back in the mists of time. It translates roughly as "Earth-bound Focus-driven." It means something like, "Good luck getting Laeviss to go in any direction that he doesn't desire to go."
   But, by the gods, is he Highly Motivated in his chosen direction.



   
   

The Invisible Beings of No-Man's Land

Eunuch priest of Cybele

   On this Day of Remembrance, Laeviss sees fit to draw attention to those who move unseen throughout the worlds, those Invisible Beings of No-Man's Land, the ones who slip through the cracks of history like Sleipnir through the Nine Realms and wind up tossed by the winds of time, forgotten, gone, returned back to the Pieces of Dirt they were created from, and with barely a footnote to mark their passage.
   Now largely ignored by historians, writers and scholars, who move most comfortably within the current world of duality, where everything is orderly and everyone fits into neat little profiles of either this or that, the third gendered eunuch priests of the Goddess once flourished. Created by the gods in order to work specific magic in the material plane, the various cultures in which these beings functioned all agreed on one thing: they were made of the Earth. They sprang from the ground, whereupon sacred blood flowed. They were pinched from pieces of clay. They were formed from the dirt found underneath a deity's fingernails.
   Laeviss once wrote: "The eunuch priests (galli or gallae, depending on which gender one assigned them) of the goddess Cybele impressed observers with their fine raiment and elaborate hairstyles and jewelry. They were nicknamed “the long-haired ones” and reserved their hair for Cybele’s honour, occasionally sacrificing a lock on Her altar. They believed that Cybele would only accept offerings of blond hair, so they dyed their hair if it wasn’t already that colour. They served as diviners, healers, counselors and ritual leaders, offering prayers, songs, poetry and dance to the Goddess and Her lover, Attis. They were artists, musicians and dramatists, and were considered to exist between the world of the Sacred and the Mundane realm that most people inhabit. They exhibited qualities of both male and female genders. Being eunuchs, they were neither male nor female, but could encompass all possibilities. A touch or a blessing from them was considered extremely fortunate for the recipient."
   Fortunate. A blessing, created by the gods, for the Earth.
   And now, largely forgotten. Even in books. Even in books on topics that closely, very closely, concern them. If they are mentioned by the author at all, it is as an aside. "Oh, yes. They existed, these No-Men. But they're boring, or have no relevance. Nobody would be interested in eunuchs. There are no eunuchs anymore, anyway. Nobody can relate to them, so I shan't write about them."
   Laeviss hereby says, "Well, I shall. Eunuchs can be very, very interesting, especially since they were created by the gods specifically to bring "fortunate" aspects into material existence for their clients. I've said this before, but it bears repeating.
   Way back, in the beginnings of civilization, the cultures into which the eunuchs brought their fortune were pretty much oral cultures. Most common people didn't need to be taught to read or write. They were told the stories. Which meant that the cultures were largely aural cultures. They heard, and understood.
   In the Epic of Gilgamesh, this oral/aural connection was noticed by Anne Draffkorn Kilmer, who wrote, "A Note on an Overlooked Wordplay in the Akkadian Gilgamesh." Scholars had argued for ages over whether Gilgamesh and Enkidu, the main characters in the story, were lovers or just unusually close, but platonic, companions. What Kilmer noticed was that some of the written words used in the epic would have sounded when spoken almost exactly like certain other words, words that had curiously applicable meanings to the discussion when considered.
   The words in question seemed to without a doubt indicate that Gilgamesh and Enkidu were lovers. They also, however, seem to indicate that Enkidu was, in fact, not a man, but a eunuch priest of the Goddess.
   The words stem from Gilgamesh's prophetic dreams, which he takes to his mother (who is a priestess in the Temple of Inanna) for interpretation. He tells her that he has dreamt of an object (usually translated as a "meteorite" or "falling star," but could be a ball, circle or cluster. Whatever it is, it's round or circular, like a crown or a globe.) This is named in the epic as a "kisru." What is terribly interesting is that this *sounds* just like the word "kezru," which is literally interpreted as  "man with a woman's hairstyle" but actually meant "male prostitute."
   Gilgamesh has dreamt that he will embrace this symbol "as a wife." His mother, the priestess, confirms this and tells him further that this object represents a being who he is fated to meet, and who will be loyal to him forever and repeatedly save him.
   But wait, there's more! Gilgamesh has had more symbolic stuff in his dreams. He also saw a "hassinnu" (interpreted as a sacred axe) that he similarly embraced as a wife, and loved. Will it surprise anyone to hear that the almost identically-sounding word "assinnu" actually means "sacred eunuch prostitute in the service of the Goddess" (in this case, Inanna.) That's even more explicit in information than kisru/kezru is. Again, Gilgamesh's mother confirms that the axe is a man who is going to play a huge role in Gilgamesh's life, and who will always be loyal to him.
   And the fun never ends. Stephanie Dalley pointed out yet another amazing bit of wordplay in the epic. This one occurs when Enkidu is being created. When told to create Enkidu, the goddess Aruru the potter receives the instruction "zikru" which means "word, speech." Aruru was told, via the creative magic of speech, to create what was "spoken." But "zikru" also means "double" or "equal" and also means "man."  Aruru was told to create Gilgamesh's "equal/double/man." Someone just like him, in most respects. Except there can be only one king.
   And then, Dalley found there existed a similar-sounding word to "zikru." This word was "sekru." This word meant, "eunuch/transvestite associated with the cult of the Goddess."
  By now, anyone still thinking that Enkidu was meant as a manly male buddy for Gilgamesh had surely better be saying to himself, "Damn! We might have had it wrong all along."
   Enkidu's purpose was to serve the goddess by serving Gilgamesh, and the way he did this was to ensure Gilgamesh's fame. He brought fortunate luck to Gilgamesh, as do eunuch priests of the goddess to their clients. He also died for Gilgamesh, in his stead. Fortunate indeed for the crown to have such a servant guarding his household.

  

Laeviss on Love Magick

Laeviss has been around the bend, so to speak, over love before, and has been working magick for over 30 years. So he will safely say that if it involves intensity of attraction, affection and desire, Laeviss has been there and felt those emotions. Unfortunately, those sort of emotions are often accompanied by longing, despair and loneliness when that sincerely held affection is not returned by the object of desire, or a once-beloved spouse has rejected the marriage.
Laeviss has often been asked, over the course of his life, to provide magickal means to accomplish the sort of ends that aren't being materially manifested by a particular individual. Usually, the petitioner will say something like, "How can I make So-and-so return my affections?"
Laeviss will give all of you reading this the Super Special Magickal Secret...are you ready for it? It's called "You can't."
Hear that, O Beings Desirous of Learning Magickal Lore! Despite the best efforts of popular fantasy media (cue Facebook mug shot of Boromir at the Council of Elrond) one simply cannot "make" anyone do, think, feel or desire anything that they aren't already inclined to do.
Got that?
Stop any thought of trying to control other people. You can't. You can't control how they think, how they feel, and, most especially, you cannot control who they desire.
Now, after you have all assimilated that concept into your core being, you are likely to sniffle and whine, "But that means that love magick doesn't work, and there's nothing I can do to ease my suffering."
Laeviss says to this, "Haven't you been reading my blog? Laeviss is all about magick. Of course there is something you can do." And he will now tell you what that something is.
Instead of trying to manipulate or control a person who is uninterested in the sort of relationship you desire (which is unethical, immoral and a waste of time, besides) why not concentrate on drawing towards yourself a person or persons who *are* interested in what you are offering?
To this end, make a list of all of the qualities you find necessary in the sort of relationship you desire, and concentrate on this list. (My suggestion is to also make a five-year and a ten-year plan for your life, including what your life goals are, where you want to be living, what you want to be doing as a career, the sort of relationship/family you want to have, etc.) These life plans will give you a good blueprint of how you want your life to proceed, and what sort of life partner/s you want to have share these goals.
Remember, a good relationship isn't all about great sex, and an attractive mate. A person could be so hot that they sizzle in your presence, and the feelings might be mutual, but if their life goals don't match your own, any relationship with them is going to go down like the Titanic when it hits the iceberg of real life issues.
Now that you have your idea of the perfect partner/s, and your life goals in hand, you are ready to make your love talisman.
Find a token that represents your quest for love. Make it small enough that you can carry it with you at all times. Rings, keychains and pendants work great for this. (Make sure that there is *no residual energy* left on the token from its past use or creation. If you find any there, make sure you do a spiritual cleansing on the object first, before using it as your talisman.)
Now, get your list of all of the qualities you desire in a partner. Project those qualities into the talisman, telling it that this is exactly what you're looking for in a mate. Remember, do not specify individuals by name! You can't control anybody except yourself! You are just making a device that will project out to the universe exactly what you are looking for, and drawing towards yourself those people who fit those parameters and are actually interested in potential relationships.
Be sure to tell the talisman that the person you're looking for in a mate should have similar values to yourself and similar life goals for the future.
Voila, you now have a magickal talisman that will broadcast your receptivity to new relationships. It will draw to you interested parties, and you can meet them and mutually decide if you are right for each other.
It will work faster for parties in close proximity than if potential partners live far away (though I've seen cases where people have moved into close proximity after the talisman was created) and the magickian should always act in accordance with the goal in order to assure maximum success. This means you need to get out there and meet people, possibly try online dating, or join campus groups if you're a college student.
Now wear or carry your talisman with you, and be open to new possibilities.



 

For Best Results (Skratta User's Manual)

From time to time, Laeviss gets asked, about his theoretical magic, "You talk a lot about the benefits the Client receives from your good will. So we know what's in it for the Client. But what's in it for the skratta?"

Laeviss replies that the skratta's motivation is quite transparent, he has a strong interest in furthering the welfare of his Client, and anything that does so is sure to bring untold fulfillment to the skratta. Laeviss will explain that a skratta is like a working stock dog. If one has never seen a Border Collie being directed by his handler, now would be the time to look at some Youtube videos. Even the least gifted among them are intense, focused, and highly motivated to perform the tasks that the handler has assigned to them. And the best of them are supremely driven to succeed.
Probably all the stock dog needs in reward for this labor is a pat on the head, and the words, "Good dog," from the beloved Master. The dog does not want to be the Master, he merely wants to carry out the duties for which he was born, and is so clearly desirous of performing.
The very intelligent Client will know how to best use the skratta to both his own advantage, and for the benefit of all the Earth. Normally, the Client is driven by his own motivations to succeed at his own worldly tasks, and naturally gravitates towards the wizard as a helpful companion with a similar level of desire. But sometimes, for various reasons, this may not be the case. Although the Master may be the intensely-focused dog's ultimate motivation, he may himself be motivated by a different favorite. He may prefer to pat another dog, who may not even have worked at all to gain the Master's favor. But for the useful working dog, that reward of the pat on the head for the more highly motivated canine is like the carrot on a stick to get a donkey moving. The donkey doesn't ever need to get the carrot in order to remain motivated, he just has to know it's a possibility, and the wise Client encourages this pathway of thought.
Why should the Client encourage it, if the Client has no intention of ever actually handing over the carrot? Well, an unmotivated skratta, who believes his whole life purpose has been removed from him, is a miserable, depressed soul indeed, and no good and powerful magic ever came out of a deeply dejected soul.
In any case, the skratta need not be micro-managed, and operates quite successfully without needless worry, and indeed without much supervision at all as long as the Client occasionally expresses some level of appreciation for a job well done.

Laeviss Muses on the Mythical, Mystical Unicorn

   Laeviss, it must be said, advocates *for* polyamory, in general theory, if not always in practice. It is Laeviss' belief that the sexual subjugation of people in general, and women, especially, is the result of an unfortunate adherence to a patriarchal, dualistic worldview. Many, if not most, polyamorists say they believe in equality of the genders. However, Laeviss knows that there is a Fantasy Realm, in which most people spend a great deal of their time (and may actually believe that this is where they truly are), and there is Reality World, where the objective truth dwells eternal, and where most people would rather not believe themselves to be.
   Awhile back, Laeviss joined several polyamory online groups in order to discuss issues related to polyamory with other like-minded individuals. Although the discussions were always interesting, and presented several viewpoints, the subject of "unicorns" kept coming up. Mostly these were posts by one or both members of an established couple, who were looking for "their" unicorn, or bemoaning the fact that unicorns are so hard to find.
   Now, let's define "unicorn" in this context. From Laeviss' perspective, the polyamorous "unicorn" appears to be "a bisexual female, unattached sexually to a primary of her own, who is willing to entirely devote herself emotionally and sexually to both members of an established, usually legally married, couple without receiving any of the rights or social benefits of a legal marriage partner." (This "unicorn" has a close polyamorous cousin in the "second wife" sort of polyamory, where a straight female attaches herself to the household of a legally married couple, as a sort of "junior wife" to the husband, but with neither legal nor social status.)
   Now, before you say, "Whoa, there, Laeviss, that's a bit harsh, isn't it?" Laeviss will justify the definition of this mythical "unicorn" by quoting some of the very posts these unicorn hunters place online. One of the more common phrases used by unicorn hunters is, "We're looking for that special female to complete us!" Now, no matter how you slice it, it comes up as an "Us" looking for a "Them." Notice the use of words here. There is an "in group" (the established couple, the "us") and an "out group" (which is everybody else, including that "special female" who is out there, somewhere, amongst the unwashed masses.) It's as if they are searching for a pet dog. The "Us" can always give it back to the shelter if it doesn't work out.
   How about this gem of a meme, from a polyamory post: "Don't know what to get your wife for her birthday? Get her a girlfriend!" Again, a family group is defined (a wife must have a husband) and the "girlfriend" that is being looked for is being described as an object that can be given as a gift (the "birthday present." Brings Gollum to mind, if one is a Lord of the Rings fan.)
   When Laeviss honestly asked about the realities of this sort of arrangement, and whether or not the unicorn (or the second wife, for that matter) has any issues about being relegated to a primary partnership in which they have neither legal nor social standing, most of the respondents were miffed that the question was even asked. "Of course not!" they exclaimed. "We treat our unicorn/second wife equally as well as we treat our legal wife!"
   Yet Laeviss noted that the unicorns and second wives (assuming that there are any in the polyamorous online groups) were conspicuously silent on the matter.
   Laeviss suspects that there are some uncomfortable similarities between the dualistic worldview presumed to be "normal" by most westerners and the sort of hierarchical polyamory discussed above. Laeviss would add that there appears to be a large sub-grouping of polyamorists who have what they term a "one penis policy" or OPP, for short.  This means that the "one penis" (probably similar to the One Ring to Rule Them All in the Lord of the Rings) has the right to dictate that the vaginas involved in the relationship must belong only to the owner of the one penis! (Laeviss does not consider this sort of relationship rule to fall under the category of true polyamory. In Laeviss' belief, this is a man fulfilling his domination/sexual control fantasies and his lesbian sex fantasies at the same time, with the kind cooperation of his wife and girlfriend.)
   Laeviss would prefer, in his Fantasy Realm, to find a happy place, where all could be equally happy, equally sexually fulfilled, and equally emotionally cherished, but Reality World bites like Garmr at the gates of Hel.
   He offers alternatives, such as forming primary partnerships with one spouse only, and, if one desires, having meaningful secondary or tertiary relationships on the side. Or, if one likes the concept of a big, happy polyamorous primary family, then Laeviss suggests legally marrying none of them, yet forming an equal family grouping of them all through legal paperwork.
.
   (Laeviss subscribes to one polyamorous blogger's definitions of levels of polyamorous partnerships, as below. Laeviss wishes he could remember whose definitions these are, Laeviss didn't compose them:)

Primary: You live with this partner and your finances are intertwined. You make joint decisions on life-altering matters. You may share children, a mortgage, etc. If your primary gets a great job in another state, you say, "When are we moving?"

Secondary: You do not live with this partner, your finances are separate, you do not consult with this partner over life-altering decisions. If your secondary says, "I am moving to another state" you say, "When can I visit?"

Tertiary: Similar to a secondary, but when you move, they say, "It's been nice knowing you."

Now, some polyamorists would have you believe that their sexual and emotional relationships are *all* equal, (and they will vociferously complain when their opinion is contradicted) and that there is no hierarchy involved in polyamory. That is indeed their belief, but it is grounded in the Fantasy Realm. However, a quick glance at the above definitions will show you exactly how this can't possibly, in Reality World, be true.
We simply can't all be primaries to *all* of our lovers unless one makes the choice to live with them all equally, with everyone having equal legal status and equal rights and equal social benefits. (Don't try to tell me you treat all of your partners equally and that there is no hierarchy in your relationships when you bring your legal wife to the high school reunion, and leave your girlfriend at home to take care of the pets. Honestly, one guy in one of the online groups insisted that there was no hierarchy in his polyamorous family triad of himself, his wife and their girlfriend. But then I saw an ad he posted for his business. It featured a picture of himself and his legal wife, and mentioned them both and clearly omitted the girlfriend. As if she didn't exist!)
The point is, there *is* hierarchy in relationships. It's a reality. This isn't Fantasy Realm. If you're going to be polyamorous, you need to deal with that in Reality World.

Now, Laeviss will here be quite truthful, and state that he not only has nothing whatsoever against the hierarchical relationship style described above, he will state that it appears to be his own "default setting," and (should the situation ever arise) Laeviss would, quite enthusiastically, take up residence as one of any number of spouses, with any manner of restrictions, should the Client ever desire it. The key here is truthfulness. Laeviss isn't going to spend a lot of time pretending that a hierarchical relationship is a level playing field.

(Laeviss will here make the disclaimer that although he is pro-polyamory, he is also interested in the realities of polyamory in everyday life, and does not view it through rose-colored lenses.)
  

Lost and Found Heart

(Laeviss' note: This is a story that Laeviss wrote about a very young, Earthbound manifestation of  Loki and his encounter with the goddess Gullveig. I entered this story in a contest recently. It's a small part of the much longer, novel-length story that will eventually be finished. Laeviss is pleased to add that the story won in its category.)

Lost and Found Heart

by Laeviss Falki

There is a knowing in my heart, and I go to where I see them slithering, I feel their calling, their winding, their rejoicing. My snake brethren call to me. I choose not to hear when the elders advise me, "Wait until one of us can go with you, Loki! Do not enter the unexplored caves." I can feel the serpents calling me, and everyone is very busy, not noticing as I creep away.

Up through the scrubby, rocky ground, towards the sunlit peaks, I follow the barest hint of trail, listening with my mind's ear. I pass through dark trees, leafy and greening, and changing daily in shape and color. I find new trees, then old trees, then onward and upward, near to where there are no trees at all. I look up, vast grey-black-white-blue rock, these bones of the earth rising far above me. I creep silently, touching the warm walls with my trailing fingers. A vine-like, draping cascade of growth is falling like a waterfall along the ridge. I feel a cool breeze.

Then, I hear a serpent calling in my mind. A small, gentle snake-friend approaches. I wait, and she glides into view along the faint trail by the hillside. I have brought a pouch in which to carry her, if she will consent to come home with me.

She pauses, to look at me with her shining eye of wonder. "Hello," she says, "My friend, I have been waiting for you!" Then, "Follow me!" and she is off. I scramble to keep up, she forgets I am larger and more cumbersome among the rocks. In my mind, I make myself smaller, and more agile in order to keep up.

She follows the scent of air. It is a small, hidden opening, underneath a veil of vines. She disappears, into the rocky earth. I will have to make myself smaller still to follow her. I can feel her departing, and desperately claw away dirt and loose rocks from the cave mouth. "Wait!" I call. But I can feel her spirit gliding away.

I can squeeze my head inside. It is black, but I am unafraid. I push one shoulder through. I feel air cold on my face. I push the other shoulder through, then wriggle my middle past the opening. All of a sudden, I am falling, blindly, flailing forever in the darkness.

Thump.

Can't breathe. A cloud of dust and loose rock surrounds me. I lay, gasping, stunned. I count heartbeats. Tumtum. Tumtum. Tumtum.

They slow, and my breath returns, with coughing. I try to sit up. Pain. I cannot move my hip. I lay back, thinking. I cannot see through the blackness to the opening far above me.

I send my mind out to my snake friend. I hear no response.

I wait.

In the darkness, eventually, my eyes see more clearly than ever before. I lose track of my mind in the sound of my heartbeats, but I find the track of my heart. Tumtum. Tumtum. Tumtum.

My snake friend returns, with a companion. She slithers over me and into my shirt as her companion raises her head over mine. My snake friend slides across my chest and out the neck hole and whispers in my ear. "Listen," she says.

Her companion grows, and changes. From a serpent, she becomes a hawk, with vast wings, reaching out to encompass the world. She leans over me, shielding me, and the darkness of the cave recedes. Her beak opens, and she changes again, into an old, old woman. I can see her bright eyes through a mist of smoke, and flames spark upwards around her face, framing it with hair red and orange and yellow. I know her name to be Gullveig, I have seen her before, in dreams. She is like the oldest of grandmothers, wrinkled with vast age, wise and strong and frightening. "Hlaut-her," she says, adding meaning to my name, "you will come to me when the time is right. You will use this gift that I give to you now for the benefit of the Earth." She holds an enormous, cavernous bowl. It is made of stone, ancient and worn, with carved serpents gliding and weaving around the sides. It is waiting for me to fill it.

"What is this gift?" I whisper. It is cold now, in the cave, though the image of Gullveig burns with brightness unsurpassing. I am not frightened. I have my snake friend with me.

She cackles, as old women do. "The gift is that which you most desire. But it is a gift that has a sharp bite. A venomous gift. It is a love potion, the most poisonous and yet the most precious of all of my gifts, for it pains not only the heart, but the very soul of you...yet you will long for it above all things. I will unlock this gift for you. It is already within."

She becomes again a gigantic snake, rearing over me, fangs bared. The venom drips coldly onto my face, each icy drop drawing forth blazing heat from within my heart, along with memory. I hear a voice inside my head, laughing. Then I feel his warmth beside me. "An-su," I whisper. I feel feathers fanning my face, see one shining eye. I feel the wind rushing as if I am flying, high...higher. I will die for this! I am convulsing with the furious desire of all of the powers of the Earth.

There are people behind the old woman now, staring up at me as Ansu and I fly amid the red-gold flames. I don't want to come back to the still, clay form on the floor of the cave. Down below me I see a small, dark figure, black and with a red beard. "He will need a new heart," the Dwarf says. "This one is already lost. He gave it away long ago."

"Start forging!" Gullveig commands. She is once again an old woman.

"Crystal is fragile until it solidifies," he responds. "It won't do at all to hurry it." The Dwarf retreats into darkness.

"We will make for you a new, unbreakable heart. One which you cannot give away." The old woman tells me firmly.

"But I like my heart," I say, protesting, trying to fly farther upwards. I don't want Ansu to leave without me. I can hear his laughter receding. I see the trail we make together, like a waterfall, colorless, eternal, a thing of beauty. It hovers in the air above me just out of reach.

"Nevertheless, you shall have another," she says. "This one we will affix in such a way that you cannot possibly lose it."

Thump. They pull me back down, into the darkness. I fight to get back to Ansu. I am screaming for him.

"Hush, child!" Gullveig scolds. "You will be with him soon enough."

I am held down in the darkness by the Dwarves. They have my body, but they cannot catch my heart. I send my old heart flying away after the Eagle, to remind him of me. I will not need it now. Ansu will have two of them, both his own and mine. I can hear them, beating, in the darkness, receding into the sky far above. I fight blindly, lashing out, heedless of the pain it causes me. But they are too strong. Ansu disappears into the sky far, far above. When I can feel his presence no longer, I stop fighting. I resolve patience. If my body is held here, I will follow later, when I can.

I watch curiously as they turn me inside out, looking for the missing heart. "It's already gone," they say. The old woman cackles again. "Well, give him the crystal heart. It is strong enough to do its job alone." They squeeze my body back through itself, then bring out the shining, clear heart. This, they push down my throat, making sure I swallow it entirely.

When I am finally back together, I lay there painfully, gasping. My new heart beats strongly in my chest. I desire above all things to get back to my tree, my home with Ansu. But it is lost to me. Lost! Ansu has flown away, into another life.

"Listen!" my snake friend says again in my ear, and I turn my ear towards the old woman, reluctantly.

"Do you want to find your Eagle?" she asks.

I am speechless. I have no words, I can only nod. Desire fills me like a poison liquid, running through my veins. I am on fire with it.

"Then, you must use your Serpent abilities. You must slither through the cavern like a snake, and use the wings the Eagle shared with you to fly back out the hole you came in. And you will need this, when the time comes. Your heart is not the only part of you that must be pruned." I feel a sharp, stone blade under my hand. I place it within my pouch. I roll over, gasping, and begin to crawl. I think only of reuniting with Ansu. I feel like an earthworm. I am surrounded by dirt, rock, and darkness. But I remember the wings of flight, and keep moving. I can only use my arms, my hip is useless. When I see the light from the cave mouth above me, I will my wings to open, and I fly towards the sky.

What's in a Name?

   What's in a name? Plenty. Laeviss would go so very far as to say, "Really, don't bother reading the ancient myths if you won't bother to look up what the names of the characters may have meant. Because that is, as Paul Harvey used to say, the rest of the story."
   Laeviss has gone through many name changes over the years. His first two names, while pretty much describing his life's purpose, had the added baggage (among other things) of stemming from a religious tradition not his own. So he will admit to changing his name a number of times, first to plain initials and eventually (after a great many years) being gifted with the name Laeviss.
   Not much of a gift, one might say. More like a Hobbit's mathom ("Here, take this ugly or useless thing away from me!") or a white elephant ("Though it is honourably given, the cost of this name is hard to bear.") But the magic is that of laeviss and the magic is me, so here it is, with explanation duly given.
   Lae is nearly always translated (when it shows up in the lore) in ways that connote evil, destructive or vicious tendencies.  However, my innate understanding of the magic involved in lae (and it is nearly always some form of magic that the word "lae" is describing) is that it is neutral as in the sense of any energetic purpose. It is merely the direction, or forcefulness of intention, that would make it destructive or not. (Rather like seidr, it can be used for harm or used for benefit.)
   When I received the name, it was understood that the name, and the knowledge of lae, would be used to reclaim this magic in a positive way for the good of the Earth. Which is rather like Wiccans and other Pagans taking back and restoring the balance to the word "witch."
   Almost everyone has seen the Star Wars movies. In the movie, "The Empire Strikes Back," Luke Skywalker is being trained as a Jedi by Yoda on the planet Dagobah. Luke finds a hollow tree in the swamp, which he feels he must enter as a challenge. He asks Yoda what he will meet inside the tree, and Yoda responds, "Only what you take with you."
   In translating from ancient texts, it is almost impossible not to take baggage with you inside that tree. Despite hearing Yoda tell him that he won't need his weapons, Luke takes them with him inside the tree, convinced that he'll need them. In so doing, he sets himself up to need those weapons.
   In Laeviss' discussions regarding the gift of his name, he was informed that his understanding of the name was correct: it has no negative connotation *unless the listener or reader chooses to give it one* and/or the speaker or writer *chooses to imply that it has one.*
   Kevin J. Wanner's article "Cunning Intelligence in Norse Myth: Loki, Odinn and the Limits of Sovreignty" notes that the word lae can be translated into English in a number of ways, "from neutral terms such as "craft," "art," or "skill," to the more negative ones..." (and here he gives a long list of the more negative ones! Check his article out, it's available online and there is so much interesting information there.)
   "Viss" is wisdom, knowledge, so "laeviss" would mean something like, "knowledge of magic-craft" or "wizard."
   There are plenty of forms of magic, so what sort of magic is lae? Wanner also points out that Lothur gives this lae-stuff to humankind when they are formed from trees. The sort of stuff Lothur provides humans with has been described by various translators as physical form and colour, blood and/or "burning desire." So this would be the sort of magic of lae, the original creation magic of the Earth. (The physical manifestations on Midgard.)
   This is probably, by Laeviss' UPG, the sort of knowledge held by Gullveig, the very old magic that some of the Aesir found distasteful as it was associated with women. Laeviss' UPG tells him that Gullveig (directly translated meaning "gold-greedy") actually was desirous of learning and sharing knowledge, and was offering to trade her magic secrets for those of the Aesir.
   Those who did not like him called Loki by a name (Laeviss) that to them had negative connotations, and they likewise gave Gullveig similar negative connotations. Was that her real name? Or was it always Heid (bright, shining?)
   The Aesir eventually did exchange magical traditions with the Vanir, as, after the truce between the warring gods, Freyja taught Odin seidr in return for his knowledge of galdr.